Solitude
by FlamingIceNeko
Summary: In all her twenty-one years, Lightning Farron had never needed anything or anyone to live. But now, for the first time, she was beginning to have doubts. Oneshot. Written for an online prompt.


**A/N:** This is just a little something I wrote for a prompt. The word was _solitude, _and I thought Lightning's situation with Serah being turned to crystal would fit perfectly. Hopefully it's an enjoyable read :) The lines in italics are lyrics from a song: _Need_ by Hana Pestle. Just an fyi.

**Disclaimer:** As much as it pains me, I do not own the storyline or characters of Final Fantasy XIII. Nor do I own the lyrics to _Need._

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Solitude

It was well past midnight. The wasteland of the Vile Peaks was suspended in a serene, yet somehow ominous, silence. A tenuous peace had ensued for the time being. The creatures and machina that prowled during the daytime had retired with the promise of return at the first rays of dawn. Still, the land itself seemed hostile and forbidding, even in its restless sleep. Shadows crawled across the landscape and turned the twisted scraps of metal into the teeth of some enormous beast. The stars could shine only timidly from behind the clouds spread across the black velvet sky, as though the stars themselves were afraid that their light would awaken the sinister beings asleep below.

But not all were slaves to sleep.

_I'm not quite sure how to breathe without you here  
I'm not quite sure if I'm ready to say goodbye to all we were_

A series of light footfalls creeping across the uneven ground. The delicate swish of clothing. Flickers of shadow, playing along the mountains of metal. More footsteps, and then a soft grunt as a feminine figure leapt from a small overhang and landed in a crouch on a flatter plane below. The subtle glint of aquatic green eyes, bright in contrast with the encroaching darkness.

In all her twenty-one years, Lightning Farron had never needed anyone or anything to live. Not her parents, though their deaths had been a considerable blow to the family. Not her commanding officers in the Guardian Corps, though they had been valuable mentors who had instituted invaluable structure in her life. Not even her younger sister Serah, though after the deaths of their parents, she had been the only person left that Lightning could hang onto. No, if there was one thing she had learned from her experiences over the years, it was that all she needed was one thing: herself.

But now, for the first time, as the full moon emerged from behind the wisps of cloud and cast an uncertain silver glow upon her path, Lightning was beginning to have doubts.

_Be with me_

_Stay with me_

_Just for now_

She padded along with swift and silent gracefulness, retracing the trail that she and Hope had taken several hours earlier. At the thought of her young teenage comrade, Lightning stole a guilty glance over her shoulder at the craggy peak in the distance where Hope still slept, unaware that he had been deserted by his partner and protector. The faintest of glows emanated from the remains of their dying fire. For a moment, unease gnawed at Lightning's conscience. She was hesitant to leave the boy alone in such a hostile place, but the only other option would have been to rouse him and take him with her ― which was not a thought she particularly wanted to entertain. Shaking her head to dispel the nagging feeling of guilt, she released a quiet sigh and continued on her way.

The crystallized waters of Lake Bresha came into view as Lightning eased down the side of a steep metal cliff. From the ledge on which she now stood, she could see the vast expanse of shimmering crystal stretching across the horizon. Directly below her, the metal slope gave way to a more natural, earthy terrain before its gradual transformation into ice-like waves. The entire lake radiated softly with an ethereal bluish glow.

Locks of rose-colored hair fluttered around Lightning's face as a gentle breeze swept up the slope. A chill crept down her spine, and she absently rubbed her hands along her bare arms. Her gaze was fixed unseeingly on the unearthly beauty spread out before her. The reflection of the crystal's glow tinged her azure irises with swirls of silver, mingling with the tears that suddenly glossed over her eyes.

_Let the time decide_

_When I won't need you_

It was during these rare moments of solitude that Lightning felt most vulnerable. With no one around to see the salty droplets trickling down her cheeks, there was no reason to keep up the callous and distant façade that she normally wore. No need to play the tough guy now. No people for her to fool with her unwavering strength and dogged determination. Screw all of that stuff. It was just her now, just her and the cold hard ground beneath her feet. Not like the landscape cared anything about the soldier persona she'd worked so hard to perfect. In that moment, Lightning could see herself as she really was. A child playing dress-up. A little girl, pretending to be a princess, when really the closest she could get to royalty was a plastic tiara and a gaudy beaded necklace. Where was it getting her? Absolutely nowhere.

A cynical laugh escaped her lips. It had gotten Serah far enough, hadn't it?

_My hand searches for your hand_

_In a dark room_

_I can't find you_

Her eyes roved over the crystalline lake again, looking for something she knew she wouldn't see. If she squinted hard enough, she could imagine Serah's crystal, the way it would look embedded in the surrounding shards. Her innocent face, so carefully preserved in statuesque form. Lightning lifted a hand to her chest, her fingers tightening around a fistful of her shirt. Picturing her younger sister like that―still, cold, imprisoned―induced enough pain to threaten to bring her to her knees.

Serah didn't deserve this. Any of it. Ever since their parents died, Lightning had taken it upon herself to look out for Serah. To protect her, shelter her from anything and everything that could possibly harm her. But she hadn't been able to protect her from this.

_Help me_

_Are you looking for me?_

A teardrop rolled down the bridge of her nose as she lowered her head. When it all came down to it, from what _had _she been able to protect Serah? A skinned knee, a broken heart, maybe―but what was that when compared to this? Lightning might have been able to prevent a fall or a breakup, but when the opponent was the Fal'Cie, she was completely powerless. And why? Because, like it or not, she was just as much the Fal'Cie's pawn as Serah was. Used to be. Wasn't Serah's fate what awaited her now, if she were to complete her focus? It was either that, or forget the focus and turn into a Cie'th. A deranged, mindless monster. Not like Lightning cared at this point, though. Whatever happened to her didn't matter. What had happened to Serah, on the other hand…

Serah. With her shimmering blue eyes and bright, carefree smile. With her soft hands, that never failed to comfort Lightning after a hard day, even if the older girl refused all other sympathy. Serah had been the only one Lightning would ever let in. The only one who knew the inner workings of her mind. Really, the only one Lightning had ever considered precious. Irreplaceable.

But now…even that had been snatched away.

_Can I feel anymore?_

Now…her hands were empty. Painfully empty. No one to run to her protecting arms anymore. No one to hold, to care for…to love…

_Lie to me, I'm fading_

_I can't drop you_

_Tell me I don't need you_

She was alone. Yes, there were Hope and the others to consider, but who were they compared to the person she'd lost? Allies. Acquaintances. But not family. They weren't Serah. They could never be Serah.

Lightning's head suddenly snapped up, her eyes widening and filling with fresh tears. Her hand, still clutching the fabric over her heart, wandered up to her face, where her fingertips pressed against her lips, parted in realization. _Serah. Oh, Serah._ A burning pain cut into her chest, and for the first time in her life, Lightning knew what _need_ was. Slowly, she dropped to her knees on the cold ground as the ache settled in around her heart. A hole, gnawing away at her insides. Constricting. Mocking. Reminding her that the person she had just lost was the person she had needed the most.

_My hand searches for your hand_

_In a dark room_

_I can't find you_

Her tears dropped to the ground like rain, leaking between her fingers and crawling across her hands. One name repeated in her mind, over and over, like a broken tape recorder. _Serah. Serah. Serah. _She had failed her. Pushed her away. Tried to protect her, but wouldn't even believe her. Why, oh why hadn't she believed her? She hadn't wanted to believe her. Hadn't wanted to face the reality that her own sister was a l'Cie. How selfish. Thinking only of herself. As usual.

_Help me_

Why hadn't she tried harder? Comforted more? Returned the love?

_Are you looking for me?_

Her lips were moving now, rapidly, forming words that were almost to quiet even for her to hear.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…Serah, forgive me…I'm so sorry…"

But it was too late for forgiveness now.

_Etch this into my brain for me_

_Tell me how it's supposed to be_

_Where everything will go_

_And how I'll be without you by my side_

Serah was gone. Frozen forever. Lightning would never be able to say these words to her face. And Serah would never know how much her distant, coldhearted sister had actually needed her.

_My hand searches for your hand_

_In a dark room_

Never.

_I can't find you_

Never, ever.

_Help me_

As her tears gradually slowed, Lightning became aware that the pain in her chest had dulled. Her listless, red-rimmed eyes stared unseeingly down at her hands, which she had placed gently in her lap. A feeling of cool numbness had crept into her heart, extinguishing the last of the lonely ache. Still, whispers of Serah's name echoed hauntingly through the corridors of her mind. Reminding her of the jagged hole in her heart that her precious younger sister used to fill. As she stood up, preparing to head back to camp, the beginnings of a headache began to throb behind her temples. She hardly noticed. Her gaze locked on Lake Bresha's frozen waters one more time.

_Are you looking for me?_

As if she could see her sister among the statuesque waves, she dipped her head in a final goodbye, her lips forming the words that she should never have waited so long to say.

"Serah…I need you…"


End file.
